There is no desire without love

What could we do when our motivation is lacking even in our relationship, to make our attitude towards sport honest and real? There are days and sometimes even weeks when you’re just “not feeling like it” – how do you deal with that?

If you have ever been in love, completely devoted and totally engaged, you know that there is no such thing as you “don’t feel like it” when you want something. People tend to think that there are magic pills or special motivations. There’s only supporting your authentic desire and need. If you don’t feel like looking better, being healthier, more mobile, or if the prize is not attractive enough, the task will become a real struggle. In this case I would make the prize more appealing. I would simply focus on the actual desire, not what the media considers to be the standard, such as being skinny or – even worse – being constantly happy. What is that? It is not human. No one who’s grown-up and emotionally mature is constantly happy unless they are completely unaware of everything else happening around them.

All right, trivia question, Eva: what do I do when I am feeling too lazy?

Let me answer that one with another question: why would you do something if you feel too lazy? Why would you be in a relationship in which you feel too lazy to do anything? Why would you run if you don’t feel like it? Why would you meet people if you are not feeling up for it? What for? Sure, there is work and other commitments where “I am too lazy” doesn’t apply – we don’t feel up for doing something but we do it anyway. But recreation shouldn’t consist of aversion at all, unless we are talking professionally. If you love to paint – paint, if you love paintings – explore the galleries, if you want to be in a theater – empathize with the actors. Even if Anna Lewandowska asks you on her Instagram what you have done today to be healthier, dare to answer: “I ate a chocolate bar in the cinema and I feel great because I love Woody Allen and I love chocolate”. I am guessing that you’re asking me how to make yourself feel like eating healthy when actually you crave chips and coke. I would say – start eating healthy, throw away sodas and snacks. Just like that, over. Are you a fan of gradual changes? Fine, go ahead, take it gradually. I would rather cut it out completely and focus on the thing that I desire. Because if I really want it, it won’t be a problem.

Outer motivation

If you’re a professional athlete and you have a contract for 10k euro every month, you won’t just say: “hey mate, I’ll skip  training today, I don’t feel like it”. Professionals also don’t feel like it. But they do it anyway because they have a different motivation, their inner motivation is supported by the outer motivation that we don’t really like to talk about because it seems less effective – that’s not true! I actually really like talking about outer motivation. It doesn’t really need to to be materialistic, it just needs to correspond with one’s needs and desires. I used to work with a sportswoman who was motivated by the flowers that were waiting for her after training sessions. She loved them.

Unfortunately, not all us of can use a lucrative contract as the motivation. How do you activate an effective outer motivation if you’re not a pro?

It’s important to ask yourself a question – what is my biggest strength, what really reassures my actions? Some people are motivated by Endomondo or Facebook – these are examples of outer motivation. The fact that everybody will see that I do run and make progress, versus them seeing my round belly – that can help to keep up the discipline, but it’s difficult to call it an inspiration. The “audience” in general is very motivating for many people. For others, the idea that I see the body that I aspire to in the mirror makes me feel satisfied with the fact that other people are seeing` it as well. I worked with a lady whose biggest motivation was to ensure that she was healthy enough to run and keep up with her grandchildren, so that she would be able to bring them up. This is power – our purposes and desires. No one should judge them or evaluate them.

Your motivation – what do you do when you lack it?

To be honest, I don’t really think about the motivation. I could say that I don’t really know what it is. I just do it. I do what I have to do. I have 10, up to 12 hours of yoga per week and I go and do it. This is my promise to all these people that I meet in class, and to myself, and this invisible agreement is a foundation of my daily agenda. Sometimes I really feel powerless but I still go. Cancel classes? It would need to be at the agonal stage – where mine or one of my loved ones were affected. Why? Because my invisible agreement with the people that I work with is to be with them.

One more thing – this is my own body that we’re talking about. When I am not running for a while, skipping practise, I just feel that it becomes heavier, it can handle less, and it’s weaker. If I don’t work with my body for a while it simply calls me. It calls me out, and makes me feel that “maybe I should hold a plank for 5 minutes” or “maybe I should be in chaturanga just for 3 minutes” because my stomach starts to feel heavy. It’s not a matter of look and or appearance, but the feeling, how I feel with my own body. I believe that the most important thing about working with your body is building your body consciousness.

Contact with your body

We’re living in XXI century, also known as “the world of experts” – not mine, but Bauman’s quote. How does it work? If we get a pimple – we go and see a pimple specialist. Sorry for being ironic, but we don’t listen to our bodies much at all, anymore.

I think that I felt my body the most when I was pregnant. I was lucky to meet the greatest gynecologist in the world – a woman who’s smart and, most important of all, empathizes with other people. She is aware of what other people feel, considering how other people feel is the most important thing. While I was pregnant, I was doing almost everything that’s discouraged – working out til the end, holding planks, and standing on my head or hands. I was running until the sixth month. I gained 8 kilos, where the baby weighed 3,5 kg. I was living in full harmony with myself, listening to my body – physical activity comes in really handy here.

I’m not saying that women who never worked out should start exercise once they get pregnant. Just like my favourite physician said: “Were you lying down? Lie there more and don’t move!”. The point is not to change yourself. Pregnancy is a process that includes two people, where a woman passes on her lifestyle to a baby… It’s not reasonable to teach yourself a new lifestyle at the same time. It’s like me getting pregnant and I start surfing because someone said it’s good to surf when you're expecting a baby. I don’t know how to surf so I won’t be able to feel my body then.

I often get questions asking me if a woman should quit yoga because she is pregnant? This is what I tell to my girls (and I already experienced a lot of pregnancies in my yoga classes): “Under no condition! Keep on doing push-ups, be dynamic. You have been doing that for 8 years, you’ll be fine”. Once they feel this is too hard – and they feel it and I can see it, I don’t even have to have a conversation with them about what’s allowed and what’s not – they do whatever they want and they are amazing at it because they feel their bodies. I am not in control of their pregnancies and no one is. It’s just them and that is marvelous. Marit Bjørgen gave us the best proof – I love this woman as a mum… Three weeks before giving birth she was still attending killer trainings and after three months she was back at the World Champions, that’s what a real queen is all about!

More about Ewa and her